By Dr. Michael R. Edelstein
(From: Three Minute Therapy, Change Your Thinking, Change Your Life, by Michael R. Edelstein with David Ramsay Steele. Published by Glenbridge Publishing Ltd.)
Individuals may respond very differently to similar events. Jane
dreads her upcoming examination so intensely that she can't
sleep the night before, and walks into the examination hall
shaking with terror. Her friend Barbara, who's taking the same test,
remains quite unruffled. Clearly, a person's response to events is
not entirely explained by the events themselves, but owes
something to the person. However, instead of looking at that
person's conscious beliefs, for example Jane's beliefs about the
test, psychiatrists often try to explain the person's feelings and
actions through their "unconscious" minds.
Sigmund Freud developed this way of explaining human
behavior early in the twentieth century, a method popularized by
many Hollywood movies from the 1930s on. Freud believed that
our feelings and actions are caused by "unconscious" impulses—things that are in our minds but that we don't know about. Our
minds are filled with dark, disguised forces of which we're
normally quite unaware. How did these mysterious forces get
there? They allegedly originated in our childhood experiences.
Jane's fear of the test might be explained by incidents in her early
childhood. Freud believed that the way to cure Jane is to uncover
the buried memories of those incidents, have Jane relive those
incidents, and show how they cause Jane's present anxiety about
tests. This excavation of Jane's "unconscious mind" can be a
long and expensive process.
THREE MINUTE THERAPY
Psychiatrists overworked by their own hectic schedules, or by
managed care, can find themselves allotted a mere 15 minutes—or less—for conducting their therapy sessions. However, the length
of standard therapy remains 45-60 minutes.Three Minute Therapy
(TMT) solves this dilemma. The length of these therapy sessions
is flexible, and can be conducted in three to fifteen minute bites
over the course of a few appointments. TMT is based on
Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), which was
developed by Dr. Albert Ellis in 1955. TMT's comprehensive
approach works best for individuals desiring a scientific, present-
focused, and active treatment for coping with life's difficulties,
rather than one which is mystical, historical, and largely passive.
Session I
The basic principles of TMT can be communicated by the
psychiatrist, and understood by patients, quickly and easily in the
first meeting:
1. Humans are responsible for their own emotions and actions,
2. Their maladaptive emotions and dysfunctional behaviors are
largely the product of their own irrational thinking,
3. They can learn more realistic views and, with practice, make
these a part of them,
4. Individuals will experience a greater acceptance of
themselves, and a deeper satisfaction in life, by developing a
reality-based perspective.
Session II
The next stage involves teaching your patients the Problem
Separation Technique. TMT distinguishes clearly between two
very different types of difficulties: practical problems and
emotional problems. Our patient's flawed behavior, their unfair
treatment by others, and their frustrating situations, represent
practical problems. Regrettably, their human tendency is to
upset themselves about these practical problems, thereby
unnecessarily creating a second order of problems—emotional
suffering.
TMT addresses the latter by helping upset individuals take
responsibility for their distress. This lesson in healthy emoting and
relating was stated by the Roman philosopher Epictetus more
than 2000 years ago: only you can upset yourself about events--
the events themselves, no matter how undesirable, can never
upset you. Recognize that neither another person, nor an adverse
circumstance, can ever disturb you—only you can. No one else
can get into your gut and churn it up. Others can cause you
physical pain--by hitting you over the head with a baseball bat, for
example--or can block your goals. But you create your own
emotional suffering and self-defeating behavioral patterns, about
what others do or say.
Session III
Once they admit that they distort their own emotions and
actions, then, in this session, help them determine precisely how.
The culprit usually lies in one of the three core "musts:"
"Must" #1 (a demand on oneself): "I MUST do well and get
approval, or else I'm worthless." This demand causes anxiety,
depression, and lack of assertiveness.
"Must" #2 (a demand on others): "You MUST treat me
reasonably, considerately, and lovingly, or else you're no good."
This "must" leads to resentment, hostility, and violence.
"Must" #3 (a demand on situations): "Life MUST be fair, easy,
and hassle-free, or else it's awful." This thinking is associated
with hopelessness, procrastination, and addictions.
Help your patients ascertain what they're demanding of
themselves, of their significant others, or of their circumstances.
Not until they've uncovered the "must" can they then go on
effectively to reduce their distress.
Session IV
In the final session, help your patients dispute their "musts." The
only way they can ever get undisturbed about adversity is by
vigorously and persistently challenging one of these three
"musts." Thus, once they've bared them, then they can
relentlessly confront and question their demands. They would
begin by asking themselves: "What's the evidence for my
`must?'" "How is it true?" "Where's it etched in stone?" And then
by seeing: "There's no evidence." "My `must' is entirely false."
"It's not carved indelibly anywhere." They would conclude,
therefore:
Preference #1: "I strongly PREFER to do well and get approval,
but even if I fail, I can accept myself fully,"
Preference #2: "I strongly PREFER that you treat me
reasonably, kindly, and lovingly, but since I don't run the universe,
and it's a part of your human nature to err, I, then, cannot control
you,"
Preference #3: "I strongly PREFER that life be fair, easy, and
hassle-free, and it's very frustrating that it isn't, but I can bear
frustration and still considerably enjoy life."
Once they make their views "must"-free, their emotions will heal.
Assuming that they take the above suggestions to heart and
thereby greatly reduce their anxiety, hostility, depression, and
addictions, what remains? Will they exist robot-like, devoid of
human feeling and motivation? Hardly! Without their turmoil, they'll
more easily experience love, involvement, and joy. And without
their addictions, they'll be freer to engage in the gratifying
experiences of spontaneity, commitment, and self-actualization.
Summary
TMT will appeal to psychiatrists who have brief therapy
appointments, yet wish to help patients quickly take control of
their own lives. By giving them tools for identifying and
overcoming the true source of their difficulties, you will prepare
your patients for tapering off their medication. And by helping
them to reinforce realistic, self-benefiting beliefs, you will enable
them to eliminate present emotional and behavioral problems,
and to avoid future ones.
These simple, but powerful principles can be explained briefly,
and will usually lead to a positive outcome for both psychiatrist
and patient.
Research
A variety of studies have shown REBT to be effective in treating
disorders including depression, assertiveness, social anxiety,
marital problems, borderline personality disorders, suicide,
exhibitionism, and low self-esteem. A review surveying 31
treatment outcome studies of REBT, for example, demonstrated
positive results (Engels, GI, Garnefski, N, & Diekstra, RF, 1993.)
Dr. Edelstein is a Training Faculty Member of the Albert Ellis
Institute, past president of the Association For Behavioral and
Cognitive Therapy, and a Diplomate in Cognitive-Behavioral
Therapy. He is the author of Three Minute Therapy: Change Your
Thinking, Change Your Life, for which the National Association of
Cognitive-Behavioral Therapists awarded him "Author of the
Year." Dr. Edelstein has a private practice in clinical psychology
in San Francisco.
References
Edelstein MR, Steele DR (1997), Three Minute Therapy: Change
Your Thinking, Change Your Life. Lakewood, CO: Glenbridge
Publishing Ltd.
Ellis A (1996), Better, Deeper, and More Enduring Brief Therapy:
The Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy Approach. New York:
Brunner/Mazel, Inc.
Engels, GI, Garnefski, N, & Diekstra, RF (1993), Efficacy of
Rational-Emotive Therapy: A Quantitative Analysis. Journal of
Consulting and Clinical Psychology 61:1083-1090.
HOW TO HAVE HAPPY HOLIDAYS
By Michael R. Edelstein
(From: Three Minute Therapy, Change Your Thinking, Change Your Life, by Michael R. Edelstein with David Ramsay Steele. Published by Glenbridge Publishing Ltd.)
The holidays provide a special opportunity for reaching out to loved ones, appreciating what we have, and expressing good will toward others.
Though not without a cost! Our finances may be stretched, our social engagements may seem unmanageable, and we may feel tempted to eat and drink excessively.
If you feel anxious and stressed about this adversity, apply the Problem Separation Technique. First determine which of these problems are practical (reality) problems and which are emotional (psychological).
Practical problems: our stretched finances, our overbooked--or underbooked--social schedules, temptations to eat and drink excessively.
Emotional problems: anxiety, stress, guilt, depression, resentment, procrastination, feeling overwhelmed, compulsive eating and drinking.
Use practical problem solving strategies to solve the former: risk-taking, trial and error, delicious circles, diets, divorce, making lists, no future regrets, Premack's principle, prioritizing, Three Minute Relaxation, referenting, self-monitoring, Three Minute Wake-up Imagery, (See THREE MINUTE THERAPY: CHANGE YOUR THINKING, CHANGE YOUR LIFE for the instructions. Each technique is listed in the index.)
Solving practical problems requires careful thinking and persistent effort. These get hampered by distraught emotions.
Consequently your first step involves emotional problem-solving. The Three Minute Exercise, Three Minute Imagery, and Three Minute Refutations, are designed for this purpose. Once you've minimized your emotional problems, you can then more easily and effectively address your practical problems. Finally you are free to significantly enjoy this wonderful season!
My life story, with a focus on the parts in which I overcame adversities and phases that seem interesting otherwise:
I was born in Germany in 1954 to two dentist parents as a first child of three. The traumatic events of World War II weigh heavily on our family during the first years of my life. Seventeen years old, my father had been a soldier in Stalingrad. My mother was a refuge from the East. She had escaped from the Russians. My grandfather had died on the last day of the war because he couldn’t get proper medical care.
During my teenage years I developed a deep desire to understand myself and others psychologically. I studied Carl G. Jung and was fascinated by the idea of becoming a psychotherapist. The German university system was set up in a way that I would have had to wait for training in this field for several years. My desire for financial independence from my parents in combination with my disappointment with the psychology programs at German universities led me to choose an academic career in economics in which I felt very unfulfilled after a few years.
After I earned my Ph.D. from the Freie Universitaet Berlin in this field, I became painfully aware of my unhappiness with my work as an economist. Although I had become one of only very few respected experts in the field of the economic effects of subsidies that had been given to corporations in Berlin, I experienced a painful split between my profession and my true passion: psychology, consciousness, and spirituality. Finally, in my mid-thirties, the most amazing synchronicities guided me to training opportunities in the field of Transpersonal Psychology in California. After a long internal struggle with my needs for financial security and my desire to stay close to my friends, I finally decided to take my savings, risk changing my career and move to the US in order to integrate my real interests into my work.
In February 1988, I arrived bright-eyed in San Francisco and in July I was accepted into a Ph.D. program in Transpersonal Counseling Psychology at CIIS (California Institute for Integral Studies) in San Francisco. The plan was to start in the fall. In spite of some reoccurring fear about my financial future and about my immigration status in the US, I felt on top of the world. I was in love with everything around me, especially California and Frank, a new man in my life. I was full of excitement about the new direction that my life seemed to take with the realization of a longtime career goal and happiness in my personal life.
But the fulfillment of this dream was disrupted when I visited Berlin, Germany, to finish some business. I had two accidents in a row, which led to a whiplash, a broken foot, and a thrombosis from the tight cast. Possibly as a result of one of these accidents, on October 16, 1988 I had a life-threatening stroke that left me paralyzed on my left side. For one week it was not clear whether I would live. At the peak of this crisis, as I was struggling with death, I had an inner vision. I received the “message” that the stroke happened for a reason and what I learn from it will be an important element of my future work. Very surprisingly, I was able to deeply surrender to whatever was supposed to happen with me. Friends loved to visit me in the hospital because of the spiritual presence they sensed in and around me. Frank had come to Germany and was on my side for the following nine months. Unexpectedly fast I relearned to speak, eat, and walk again. I left the hospital after five weeks, not without a fight, against the wishes of my neurologist (this is unthinkable in the American medical system). Frank and I got married during this time in Germany.
When, in spite of all my efforts with physical therapy and other healing modalities, the recovery of my left arm and hand reached a plateau and my energy kept being very low (I felt like an 90 year old woman), I fell into a deep depression. I was not sure whether I wanted to live any more. All possibility of reaching the goals, which I had aspired to, seemed to evaporate. Everything I had finally set up for myself in the US, seemed in question again. My future suddenly appeared a complete blank. It presented a frightening picture. My dependency of other people’s help, especially Frank, contrasted with my previous life tremendously. I had no internal resources left to give to my husband or my friends. My heart was closed; I felt worthless. As a result of my depression all my relationships changed dramatically. The traumatic nature of my stroke made it hard to use the spiritual practices that previously had helped me find inner peace. I felt cut off from everyone around me as well as from my true self. Eventually, after three months in a German rehabilitation clinic without my husband, where I learned some independent living skills, and watched inspiring movies, I gained confidence and hope again. After that, in September1989, I returned to the San Francisco Bay Area, where, in the meantime, Frank had found us a place to live. I started my graduate program at CIIS.
Surprisingly, I noticed that I had gone through a transformational shift after the stroke that had changed my priorities. Academic striving for a second Ph.D. seemed too demanding now, not in line with my deeper need for healing of the traumatic effects of my stroke, and my desire for personal and spiritual growth. Acknowledging this paradigm shift on a conscious level was a gut-wrenching process, in which I had to let go of my high standards and ambitions as well as the expectation of social and financial rewards for a “top level” education. I changed to a master’s program in Transpersonal Counseling Psychology at John F. Kennedy University. Even though I struggled with fear around my limitations in the English language, the fact that academic learning and personal process were equally asked for in classes, helped me succeed as a student. I experienced gratitude and peacefulness again and never regretted my decision later.
Since I had become much more independent from Frank, I was surprised about increasing tension between us, until I learned that he had secretly restarted a relationship with a former girlfriend during my stay in the clinic. Our separation threw me into the deepest depression ever. He left me, convinced that I am unattractive with my physical disability and my “changed personality”. I felt very lonely and missed my supportive friends in Berlin.
My perspective of the previously hated, restrictive German home country and my love affair with the US shifted. With my weakened, very vulnerable sense of myself I appreciated the caring, protective German medical and social system and started to fear the American “fight for your own” mentality.
Besides, my permanent “green card” seemed in jeopardy because Frank and I weren’t married for two years yet, and I was afraid that he would be unwilling to help me demonstrate the necessary continuation of our marriage for the INS. Again, I saw the “rug being pulled away from underneath me”. I also was worried that I would run out of money. Given the emotional state I was in, it was hard for me to foresee working as a psychotherapist. How would I support myself in this country with my special skills that were not even useful in Germany any more, after the Berlin Wall had fallen? Without the use of my left hand and arm, even physical labor and most desk jobs were out of the question. But grief and trauma therapy, inspiring movies, school community and education, as well as the fact that I lived together with two loving friends, helped me to gain trust in the future again, whenever fear threatened to take over.
It also helped that my parents started to support me financially. I was able to buy a car. I learned driving with one hand, and noticed that, in this country, the handicap of not being motorized seemed almost more disabling than my paralyzed left arm and hand. I regained the necessary inner strength to keep functioning again. Graduate school felt increasingly like an island for my inner healing, wisdom, and expansion of consciousness. Frank and I worked through anger and guilt about our separation in therapy, and he supported me in my naturalization process before we got divorced.
After we went separate ways, my disability created confusion, doubts, and insecurities around my attractiveness as a woman. I saw my self as “damaged goods”, wondering whether I would ever be in a relationship again. But when a loving new partner came into my life I started to gain confidence in this area too. In1995 I met Steve. We got married by an Inca priest on Machu Picchu in 2000. We share interests in both personal and spiritual development and in movies. The latter we share not only with each other but also with his parents and his 24-year-old daughter who has Downs’ syndrome. Our movie theater visits lead to family bonding.
Back to my work: After I graduated with an MA in Counseling Psychology in 1992 I began to build my practice as a psychotherapist. Working through my grief had gotten me in touch with different spiritual traditions, including Buddhism. It seemed natural to specialize in grief and trauma work. I also started developing “Grief, Loss, and Spirituality Groups” and facilitated bereavement support groups.
Off and on, doubts and fears arose: would I be able to make it financially as a therapist in the Bay Area, and would I be able to pass the torturous licensing exam in a second language? After I mastered the exam and developed more experience, my practice and confidence in my work grew. I felt a deep sense of fulfillment in my new profession. The only other kind of work that I could imagine as being equally fascinating was that of a movie critic.
About three years ago I took a workshop called “Movies and Mythic Imagination – Using Films in Depth Psychology”. I became fascinated with the idea of using metaphors from movies with my clients to support their process. I had worked with my clients’ responses to movies as far as I can remember. Now I discovered a more informed way of working with the material that arose from the film experience in sessions. I use movies to understand emotional issues, explore new options and evoke personal qualities that my clients desired, especially during life transitions. I began to include cinema therapy in my work with individual clients first. A little later I started a weekly cinema therapy group and eventually facilitated workshops in which I use films as a catalyst for the therapeutic process. Now I also conduct training seminars for therapists too.
Two years ago several reporters asked me for interviews when they saw my advertisements for cinema therapy groups. It became necessary to structure my thoughts and I started writing them down. Consequently I thought of writing a book. I had many exciting ideas about how to combine therapeutic methods with the powerful effects of movies to support personal and spiritual development.
Knowing that I wasn’t able to express myself in perfect English, I e-mailed my ex-husband, who had changed his name to Franklin and lived in Utah for many years. I knew he was an excellent writer, had studied theater, and worked in the film industry. To my surprise he was available as a very engaged editor for my book and numerous articles, including therapeutic movie reviews. Franklin also designed and maintains my Web sites, which are crucial to spread the word about cinema therapy. The wonders of the Internet allowed us to cooperate as a great team in these endeavors.
OVERCOMING YOUR TERROR ABOUT TERRORISM
by Dr. Michael R. Edelstein
(From: Three Minute Therapy, Change Your Thinking, Change Your Life, by Michael R. Edelstein with David Ramsay Steele. Published by Glenbridge Publishing Ltd.)
In the aftermath of the tragic New York and Washington terrorist attacks, some individuals continue to experience paralyzing feelings of anxiety, hysteria, panic, phobias, and depression.
Three Minute Therapy (TMT), based on the pioneering work of psychologist Dr. Albert Ellis, offers a simple process for overcoming these debilitating feelings. TMT is based on clear principles having profound implications: 1. You are responsible for your own emotions and actions, 2. Your harmful emotions and dysfunctional behaviors are the product of your irrational thinking, 3. You can learn more realistic views and, with practice, make them a part of you, 4. You'll experience a deeper acceptance of yourself and greater satisfactions in life by developing a reality-based perspective.
Follow these simple steps:
Step I. Recognize that you create your anxiety, phobias, and depressions.Events themselves, no matter how tragic, never can. Such disasters lead to appropriate sadness, grief, and mourning.However, unrealistic thinking distorts these adaptive emotions.
Step II. Identify your "musts." Once you admit that you disturb your own emotions and actions, then determine precisely how. The culprit usually lies in demands you place on yourself, others, or situations, for example: 1. I MUST function perfectly normally right now or else I'll never return to my prior normal state. Functioning abnormally turns me into an inadequate failure. 2. The world MUST be completely free of extreme tragedies and since it's not, I can't bear it. This proves the world is a horrible, terrible place. 3. I MUST have a guarantee I'm absolutely safe from danger or else I'm not safe at all. I can never be happy without certainty.
Step III. Dispute your "musts." The only way you can ever get undisturbed about adversity is by vigorously, persistently challenging and contradicting your flawed view. Once you've bared them, then relentlessly confront and question your demands.
Begin by asking yourself: "What's the evidence for my `must?'" "How is it true?" "Where's it etched in stone?" And then by seeing: "There's no evidence." "My `must' is entirely false." "It's not carved indelibly anywhere." Make your view "must"-free, and then your emotions will heal. TMT (www.ThreeMinuteTherapy.com <http://www.ThreeMinuteTherapy.com> ) details effective ways to achieve this most important step.
Step IV. Reinforce your preferences. Conclude, therefore: 1. I strongly PREFER to function normally right now, but even if I don't, I will accept myself unconditionally. At worst, all this proves about my personhood is that I'm an imperfect human who acts imperfectly, never an inadequate failure. 2. I deeply PREFER that the world be completely free of extreme tragedies but since it's not, I can still enjoy life somewhat, although I would enjoy it more in a perfect universe. 3. I keenly PREFER to have a guarantee that I'm absolutely safe from danger and it's uncomfortable not to have such guarantees, but I can live happily in an uncertain universe as long as I refuse to demand more.
Assuming that you take the above suggestions to heart and thereby greatly reduce your anxiety, panic, and depression, what remains? Will you exist robot-like, devoid of human feeling and motivation? Hardly! Without your turmoil, you'll more easily experience involvement, satisfaction, and joy in a deeply flawed world.
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